Is it possible to ever truly and absolutely make someone else happy? I ask because I’m trying really hard and nothing seems to be very effective. I suppose there are ups and downs. Happiness isn’t a constant, it changes like the tide, like the cycles of the moon. It ebs and flows. It waxes and wans.
But still. It can’t be this easy to make someone completely unhappy without even trying, without even meaning to. And yet, time and time again that’s exactly what I do. I force unhappiness upon others like a psychiatrist would force a premature diagnosis. It’s just accepted in that instance and there is no need for a second opinion, a prescription is already being written out.
I guess my main problem is that I keep stumbling over my past. We are the mistakes we make and even though I thought I’d been forgiven I guess it’s something that I’ll never be able to live down. It’ll always be a lingering thought, a thorn in my side, a deafening silence. It’s something I’m going to have to live with. No matter what I do and no matter how hard I try I can’t change the past. That’ll forever and always be a source of unhappiness. Fuck.